Leak
Parked Scooter 'Basically Confirms' A New Radio Station Dedicated To Weather Warnings And Mild Drama
A commuter scooter, allegedly seen outside a Vice City café, has apparently started a whole new chapter in human overconfidence.
Front page exclusive
We read one blurry screenshot and uncovered the entire economy.
Our analysts have enhanced, re-enhanced, printed, laminated, and stared emotionally at a 400-pixel image until it confessed.
Issue 006
Special investigation: The trailer pause-button industrial complex
Corrections: Yesterday's "confirmed submarine heist" was a bus stop.
Latest dispatches
News stories with a straight face and no legal confidence
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Fans Conclude Every Bush In Vice City Is Plotting Something After Prolonged Leaf Activity
Our team of analysts has examined the foliage and found it to be, at minimum, suspiciously leafy.
Leak
Soggy Receipt 'Strongly Hints' At Five New Boat Horns And A Very Judgy Pelican
A damp receipt from a burger kiosk has allegedly kicked off fresh speculation about hidden features, nautical drama, and at least one bird with standards.
Analysis
Map Corner 'Essentially Verifies' Three Secret Sunsets, Two Tramlines And A Bin Schedule With Attitu
A new round of map-based deduction has led fans to conclude the game world will contain more weather, more transport, and at least one bin collection with narrative depth
Local chaos
Vice Diner Introduces 'Mystery Toast' After Customers Begin Ordering 'Whatever The Rumour Is'
A local eatery has leaned fully into the nonsense by serving a special menu item inspired by forum speculation, resulting in queue lengths, confusion, and one excellent s
Analysis
Trailer Parallax 'Strongly Suggests' Seventeen New Weather Types And One Moody Seagull
Our crack team of sofa analysts have stared at a thumbnail until it started staring back. Conclusions have been drawn, maps have been folded, and at least one man has developed a theory abou
Analysis
Map Shape 'Practically Confirms' At Least Nine Lost Bin Lorries, Experts Claim
A solemn breakdown of the latest imaginary map chatter suggests the city will once again be full of places for people to get mildly confused in.
Local chaos
Vice Deli Sells Out Of 'Mysterious Sandwich' After Rumour About Floating Iguana
Locals reportedly formed a civilised queue outside a fictional corner shop after word spread that an unusually calm lizard had been spotted near the salad bar.
Analysis
Trailer palm tree may confirm 47 separate endings, say men with rulers.
A shadow, a leaf, and what might be a seagull have convinced our panel that every mission will branch into either crime, karaoke, or responsible parking.
Leak
Retail listing briefly promises realistic traffic cone emotions.
The page vanished within minutes, which proves either a cover-up or that someone needed to fix the spelling of vehicular melancholy.
Local chaos
Local chaos
Vice beaches prepare for influx of people photographing puddles.
Residents have been advised not to stand near reflective surfaces, neon signs, or suspiciously high-resolution scooters with surprisingly detailed suspension.
Analysis
Scientists discover fans can hear release dates in ambient synth pads.
The breakthrough came after one listener slowed the trailer by 0.5 percent and heard what experts describe as probably a drum.
Leak
Insider says every NPC has a mortgage and a favourite crisp flavour.
We cannot verify this, but our source was wearing sunglasses indoors, which is the highest known credential in games journalism.