Following yesterday’s very ordinary sighting of a supermarket trolley drifting across a car park like it had missed the last bus, analysts have issued a bold conclusion: it is absolutely planning something.
According to the panel, the trolley’s one stubborn wheel suggests not a fault, but a "character edge" — the sort usually reserved for old boxers and detective dramas.
The theory holds that the trolley’s route was less accidental and more a "journey of self-discovery", although it still ended beside a wall after three metres.
One expert said the trolley "gave off strong 'former employee returning to clear the air' energy", which is an astonishing amount of feeling to project onto a receptacle for groceries.
Another noted that the basket section seemed to face the sunlight as if "poised for forgiveness".
As ever, this is not a leak, a clue, or even especially sensible. It is simply what happens when people in glasses are left alone with a dramatic shadow and too much tea.