Our panel of analysts, consisting of one retired estate agent, a sandwich enthusiast, and a man who once owned a spreadsheet, have concluded that Vice City’s next big cultural swing may be driven by a roller skate wearing a blazer.
Their reasoning is impeccable, if slightly damp. The skate’s formal jacket suggests authority; the wheels suggest momentum; together they create what one expert called ‘a troublingly agile middle management energy’.
This, they argue, could alter how pedestrians, scooters, and decorative bollards interact in the final game, leading to a world where every pavement corner becomes a negotiation between style, speed, and a faint sense of shame.
The blazer, in particular, is said to be the game-changer. Not because it adds functionality, but because it implies the skate has somewhere important to be and would very much like everyone else to step aside.
Whether any of this has the slightest basis in reality is beside the point. In modern rumour economics, confidence is king, and this little chap rolls with all the poise of a deputy mayor on a caffeine binge.