Our newsroom has received what is being described, in the most theatrical possible sense, as a ‘clip’ of a kettle in a chain necklace standing outside what may or may not be a municipal office.
The footage, which looks like someone filmed a breakfast tray after it had opinions, shows the appliance nodding solemnly at a clipboard while a passing pigeon seems to act as its PR manager.
Observers say the kettle’s confident stance suggests it is gunning for Vice City’s Bin Liaison role, a job involving wheelie-bin diplomacy, curbside etiquette and the kind of paperwork that smells faintly of toast.
Naturally, nobody knows what any of this means, but that has not stopped online experts from declaring the kettle ‘surprisingly electable’ and ‘better dressed than most candidates’.
As with all such nonsense, treat the whole thing as pure parody: a made-up sighting for made-up times, in a made-up city, where even the tea sets have career plans.