The internet has once again mistaken a slightly wobbly video for a state secret, with viewers insisting a rubber duck in a trench coat is now in line to oversee harbour security.
In the clip, the duck is seen staring into the middle distance with the kind of determination usually reserved for men in queue-avoidance roles and women in urgent sunglasses purchases.
One expert in absolutely nothing described the footage as “a major sign” that Vice City’s waterfront will soon be patrolled by waterfowl, paperwork, and a deeply suspicious clipboard.
The duck’s briefcase, if it was a briefcase, appears to contain either official documents or two chips and a biro. Naturally, this has fuelled intense debate.
Analysts say the most important clue is the duck’s serious expression, which they believe signals both a promotion and a mild distrust of seagulls.
If real, the scene would mark a bold new era of harbourside administration. If not real, it would still be more organised than most weekends on the quay.