The clip, which may or may not have been filmed on a luminous potato, shows a kayak gliding through a Vice City canal while wearing a tie and what experts are calling “big management energy.”
Within seconds, the vessel is said to have introduced a one-way system, ignored three horn complaints, and nodded approvingly at a floating traffic cone.
Witnesses in the footage appear baffled, though one parking attendant reportedly described the kayak as “surprisingly hands-on for something with a paddle.”
Our in-house rumour department, which remains fully fictional and lightly caffeinated, believes the scene suggests a major upgrade to water-based commuting.
If true, this would mark the first time a boat has been seen presenting a transport plan with the confidence of a man late for a luncheon.