A team of pretend analysts have concluded that a particularly vocal ice cream van is not simply selling treats, but embarking on a deeply unnecessary emotional journey.
According to the panel, the van’s repeated looping of the marina suggests 'narrative tension', though locals believe it may just be lost and playing that tune with a bit too much confidence.
The vehicle was observed idling near a fountain, which the analysts described as 'a classic sign of impending heartbreak', before driving off in the wrong direction with the dignity of a man who has forgotten his own postcode.
One expert said the van’s colour scheme hinted at 'sunset regret', a phrase no one was able to explain but everyone politely nodded at.
In summary, the ice cream van may be heading for a grand downfall, or it may simply be trying to find somewhere to park without upsetting the bins.