Shoppers in Vice have reacted with admirable restraint after a rumour claimed a floating iguana had been seen near the deli counter, possibly while considering a panini.
The shop, called Pete's Nearly Fresh, denied all involvement and said it had only ever stocked bread, ham, and one suspiciously cheerful jar of pickles.
Despite this, customers arrived in numbers usually reserved for half-price lawn furniture. One witness said the iguana looked 'thoughtful, but not judgmental'.
Management responded by adding an emergency sign reading 'No reptiles, please ask at till', which only encouraged more people to look for reptiles.
By lunchtime, the deli had sold out of the Mysterious Sandwich, a tuna-based item no one remembered ordering in the first place.