A sparkling non-existent clip has allegedly surfaced showing a traffic cone in a velvet waistcoat standing on a crate and demanding to be addressed as “His Orange Highness.”
Witnesses in our equally imaginary newsroom say the cone delivered a speech about order, dignity, and the vital importance of being put back in the same place every morning.
The footage appears to feature a tiny procession of shopping baskets, all of which seemed delighted to participate in what experts are calling “a strong brand move.”
One analyst, peering at the nonsense through a magnifying glass, declared the cone was “clearly building a constitutional situation with snacks.”
If true, it would mark the first time a piece of road furniture has attempted a soft coup by way of polite pageantry and a surprising amount of ribbon.