The alleged footage, if one can call a shaky shadow with opinions ‘footage’, shows a bicycle bell in a neat little raincoat ringing with the confidence of a man who has discovered municipal procedure.
Witnesses in the clip appear to be a lamppost, a kebab wrapper and one extremely judgemental alley cat, all of whom seem to agree the bell has ‘a platform’ and ‘strong ding energy’.
Experts, who were reached only after a stern cup of tea, say the bell’s campaign is likely to focus on smoother crossings, fewer potholes and a promise to make all honks more polite.
At one point the bell is seen addressing a crowd of shopping bags from the top of a delivery crate, declaring that Vice City deserves leadership with ‘excellent timing and a proper chime’.
No one can confirm the clip is genuine, but many have agreed it is exactly the sort of nonsense this town would produce on a Tuesday.