Industry observers have spotted a small gnome standing near a fence with the unmistakable air of someone finalising a venue concept.

The hat, they insist, is not merely a hat but a business plan.

The confident stillness has been read as proof of a forthcoming nightlife venture, probably with velvet rope policy and baffling door staff.

One commentator suggested the gnome has “the kind of expression you only get after three mocktails and a rent review.”

The club, if it exists at all, is expected to be tiny, loud, and awkwardly lit, with a strict no-elfs-after-ten policy.

As always, there is no real evidence, only vibes, and in this town vibes are treated like official documents.