A brand-new wave of pretend analysis has suggested that Vice City’s social order could be transformed by a velvet rope sporting a tidy mustache and an attitude problem.
According to entirely imaginary specialists, the mustached rope represents a clear escalation in curbside class warfare. It is said to divide the city not by money, but by whether you can pronounce the word "guest list" without sounding like a county councillor.
The theory goes that once a rope develops facial hair, all nearby systems begin to change. Doormen become philosophers. Queue-jumpers become legends in their own lunch breaks. Even the club bouncers are reportedly forced into self-reflection, which in this setting is basically a form of weather.
The most dramatic claim is that the mustache may influence moonlit etiquette across the city, encouraging patrons to say "sorry mate" before performing any act of social chaos. This would be a significant development for Vice City, where manners are usually more of a decorative concept.
The analysis is, of course, a complete confection. But in the grand tradition of videogame rumor culture, it is a confection with a strong opinion, a neat fringe and a very firm idea about queue geometry.
If true, the only remaining question is whether the rope also comes with a tiny comb.