After much unnecessary thought, analysts have concluded that a pelican carrying a briefcase is probably not merely commuting, but staging what one called ‘a very polite takeover’.
The theory rests on three pillars: the bird’s fixed stare, its unhurried gait, and the briefcase itself, which has allegedly been seen both open and closed, suggesting a level of administrative flexibility not often found in wildlife.
The same analysts note that the pelican has been spotted near docks, piers, and a bench with a suspiciously authoritative shadow, all of which have been interpreted as signs of strategic intent rather than simple bird business.
Sceptics maintain the creature may simply be looking for chips, papers, or a safe place to stand without being shouted at. Analysts, however, remain committed to the narrative that it is ‘playing the long game’.
No one has confirmed any of this, of course, but the absence of evidence has only strengthened the feeling that the pelican has, at minimum, a very clear five-year plan.