Our imaginary analysts have had a busy afternoon with a grainy clip showing a supermarket basket wearing driving gloves and waiting with unnerving patience outside a corner shop.
From this, they have apparently concluded that Vice City’s queue system is about to undergo a major shake-up, with the basket expected to ‘bring order, fairness and possibly coupons’ to the streets.
The reasoning is, as ever, rock solid in the way a wet paper bag is rock solid. The basket is seen turning slightly to the left, which some interpret as a policy stance, while others think it simply noticed a bin.
One expert quoted in the parody realm said the basket’s posture suggested ‘leadership energy’, which is also what people say when they cannot explain a shopping basket in gloves.
If true, the streets of Vice City may soon become a place where everyone queues properly, nobody cuts in, and the basket gives out stern looks to anyone reaching for the last pastry.