Following a week of highly serious internet behaviour, analysts are now convinced that Vice City’s traffic lights are about to be overseen by a flamingo in work boots. The bird has been described as ‘purposeful’, ‘architectural’ and ‘probably on salary’.
The reasoning, if that is the word, goes like this: flamingos are tall, boots suggest authority, and traffic lights are red, which is apparently close enough for an entire theory. Somewhere in the middle of this logic pile, a new map system was invented.
Several experts have pointed out that if the flamingo does indeed manage the lights, then at least one junction will be permanently stuck on green because it is ‘vibing’. Another school of thought believes the boots indicate side quests involving ladders, cones and a great deal of civic fuss.
We should stress that this is not a leak, a confirmation or a public consultation. It is simply the sort of confident guesswork that keeps the forums warm on a damp Tuesday.