An alleged clip, definitely not to be mistaken for evidence of anything, appears to show a forklift in a bowler hat taking over a sticky-floored karaoke venue and restoring order with the sternness of a provincial headmaster.
Eyewitnesses in the footage — or, more accurately, people standing in the background while holding fizzy drinks — seem convinced the machine is issuing rulings on key matters such as microphone queue fairness, key changes, and whether anyone should be allowed to attempt ‘Wonderwall’ after midnight.
The forklift’s approach is said to be surprisingly diplomatic. One witness claims it first nudged a wobbling stool into a more constitutional position, then paused as if awaiting applause before moving on to the next dispute like a mayor with tines.
Rumour-watchers have already overanalysed the scene, insisting the bowler hat is a clear sign of a new ‘formal nightlife’ system in which every chorus must be approved by committee and every encore comes with a small invoice.
No one involved has confirmed a thing, which is probably for the best. In the meantime, Vice City’s karaoke regulars are reportedly unsettled by the possibility that their next duet may be judged by a vehicle with excellent posture and an iron grip on the room.