Town’s Patched-Up Ice Lorry Declared ‘Critical To The Plot’ After It Played One Very Confident Tune

A brightly painted ice lorry has sent the district into a light frenzy after arriving with a jingling tune that, according to onlookers, “felt written down in advance”.

The vehicle was seen outside a corner shop where it unloaded frozen treats with the sort of purpose usually reserved for coronations and emergency plumbing.

Witnesses immediately concluded the lorry was either hiding a mission marker or “on speaking terms with the story”, despite the only visible evidence being a polite flap of its serving hatch.

One resident claimed the melody had “a suspiciously cinematic quality”, which is a phrase people say when they are prepared to believe absolutely anything on a hot day.

Children lined up for lollies. Adults lined up for meaning. Both groups left with sticky hands and no official information whatsoever.

The lorry later departed into the sunshine, prompting claims it had “advanced the narrative”, though it may simply have gone to park illegally round the corner.