Our analysts, who have no known qualifications beyond strong opinions and a lunch order, believe Vice City is on the verge of a parking revolution led by a deck chair wearing spectacles and a deeply managerial expression.
The thinking is simple: if the chair can successfully appear more organised than the average driver, then residents may finally respect bays, lines, and the basic concept of not leaving a van halfway through a sandwich.
According to the theory, the chair would introduce a system of “calm zones,” where reverse manoeuvres are conducted with dignity, hazard lights are used only in genuine emergencies, and no one blocks a driveway because they saw a bargain at a fish shop.
Experts say the deck chair’s glasses are not for reading, but for judging. This is said to be vital, as parking culture in Vice City currently relies too heavily on confidence, horn usage, and the assumption that everyone else can simply go round.
Naturally, none of this is real, but it is the sort of fiction that almost makes a case for municipal reform.