After three days of squinting at a blurry still image, analysts have concluded that a goldfish wearing a waistcoat is not merely decorative, but a key piece of Vice City’s looming transport philosophy.
According to the theory, the fish is positioned beside a bus stop as if conducting a review. Its tiny outfit, they say, signals a bold new era in which passengers will queue more efficiently out of fear of being judged by a creature with no visible regard for human schedules.
The so-called evidence also includes a receipt, a puddle, and what may or may not be a timetable. From this, commentators have inferred that the goldfish will introduce a ‘water-based punctuality model’, in which buses arrive whenever they feel emotionally prepared.
One analyst described the waistcoat as ‘a clear statement of intent’, adding that the fish’s expression suggests ‘the sort of administrative seriousness normally reserved for deputy mayors and disappointed uncles’.
In truth, the image may simply be a goldfish near some public furniture, which has never stopped the internet from building a complete civic framework around a mildly dressed animal. Vice City has not commented, presumably because the fish is not taking calls.