Witnesses report that the napkin, stained with salt, vinegar and what appears to be the emotional weight of a Tuesday, contains three arrows, a circle and the words 'meet by bins'.
Experts in 'pattern looking' say this can only mean a multi-stage heist involving a forklift, a marina, and 'possibly a bloke called Darren'.
One analyst noted the napkin's corners were 'deliberately folded', while another admitted they may simply have been used to wipe chips off a wrist.
Theories are already circulating that the job will feature stealth, speedboats and at least one extremely overconfident getaway outfit.
Rock-solid evidence of this kind is best treated with caution, especially when the source is a crumpled takeaway napkin and the witness says, 'I knew it, the curry sauce does add up.'