After reviewing a blurry image of a lighthouse wearing sunglasses and standing near a speaker stack, analysts have concluded that a nightlife empire is “basically inevitable.”
The object, according to these thinkers, is not merely shining but “curating ambience,” which is apparently different from being bright and insolent.
Reports suggest the lighthouse may soon open a velvet-rope venue called Beam, where entry is limited to those who arrive with “credible silhouettes.”
One commentator noted that the structure’s calm expression and rhythmic flashing indicate a clear intention to “move into hospitality, possibly with a DJ residency.”
We cannot verify any of this, mainly because it is nonsense, but the theory has already been described as the sort of thing that would make a seagull nod approvingly.