You do not need a degree in anything to see where this is going: a donut van wearing spectacles has been “analysed” into the role of chief snack strategist for the whole of Vice City.
The logic, such as it is, runs that if a vehicle can remain upright while carrying jam, frosting, and a look of mild disappointment, then it can surely handle supply chains.
Commentators say the van’s square stance and measured syrup output suggest a bold new era of pastry diplomacy, with powdered sugar possibly replacing red tape.
Sceptics, naturally, insist this is all a load of old bunting and that the van is simply trying to find a parking spot before the lunch rush.
Still, in a city where every rumour arrives wearing a tie, a pair of spectacles may be the clearest sign yet that snack governance is taking itself far too seriously.