Residents Panic Slightly As A Suspiciously Self-Assured Hotdog Mascot Starts Directing Traffic

Shoppers near the promenade reported seeing a hotdog mascot standing in the road like it owned the borough and at least two thirds of the asphalt.

Witnesses say the mascot began gesturing at taxis, cyclists and one confused pensioner with a clipboard, all while nodding as though it had a five-year plan.

A local takeaway owner said the whole thing was “oddly efficient,” which is not the usual review you want for public safety.

Rumour-minded residents immediately took this as evidence of a hidden faction, an elaborate convoy system, or the return of something called “the mustard boys,” which no one has been able to define.

Authorities have advised the public to ignore mascots directing traffic unless they appear to have a whistle, a clipboard, and an alarming amount of purpose.